I knew you for just over a year. Two days shy of 14 months, to be exact. I would only call you my friend for the first 8 or so months of that period of knowing you. For the last 6, you gained new friends, found a new fandom, and became obsessed with something I could never become obsessed about. I tried. I tried damn hard. I thought I had - until you stole that away from me, and it became you and your new friends' thing, instead of our thing. For the last 6 months or so of our "friendship", you lied, and told me that you loved me, and I was still your best friend - but I had "changed" - when it was very very clear that it wasn't me who had changed. It was you. I was just trying to compensate for the fact that you were breaking my heart. I was only sixteen, for fucks sake. You were my first real friendship, and goddammit woman, I thought we had something. I trusted you, and you took that trust and chewed it up and manipulated it and me and threw it on the ground in front of me and ran off to play with your new friends while I sat on the curb and sobbed my eyes out. I was such a miserable wreck those six months and that summer, and you damn knew it.
A REAL friend would have tried to cheer me up and help me become happy, but no. You didn't do that. You told me that you wouldn't let yourself make me happy because I was "relying on you too much" for my happiness, and I needed to find something other than you that made me happy. I'm sorry, but that's not what a best friend does when their supposed best friend is crying her eyes out. If you were tired of me and didn't want to be friends anymore, why didn't you tell me? Sure, it would have hurt me, but at least I would stop trying to save something that wasn't going to get saved. And we could have avoided the awkwardness that was July 15-July 30, 2009. Because that was damn awkward and I hated it so much.
Oh and one more thing. You completely brainwashed me into believing that it was my fault that our friendship was dying. That's not fucking true. It wasn't my fault at all. I didn't change, except I got a LOT sadder because my only friendship was deteriorating and I thought it was my fault, thanks to you. Not true at all. You moved on from me and didn't have the guts to tell me.
All of that led to about five months after our friendship was over of me trying to mend my broken heart. It hurt so much to break off our friendship like we did over twitter, and it hurt even more what you told your ontd_ai friends and bitched about me to them. And their reactions hurt a lot as well. I cried so much that day. And you didn't give a crap.
Enough reminiscing. The point of this post is to not only remind you of everything you did to hurt me, but to yell something to the stars:
You ruined my life for about six months. I probably spent every day of that crying. I thought that I couldn't live without you and I couldn't imagine my life without you. However, I MOVED ON AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE. I WIN. I'm 1387475757575785x happier without you, because I have a group of about 20 real friends who actually care about me.
I know you'll probably never read this, but I wanted to get this out. It feels so good to be able to say that. I don't need you anymore. I WIN.
