Four weeks gone by, and no update. Oh my. This is my sad state... I always think of reasons why I shouldn't blog. I'm too tired, it's too late, I have other things I should be doing, I don't have time to. I need to focus on this. I really don't want this to be another failed project. I need to hold myself to this, even if the post is a day late... I really want this to happen.
... I'm going to stop starting every blog post with a coaching and a reminder that I want this to happen. Yeah.
Anyway. It's my last week in Fairfield. I have five days left here. And then I'm off to college. I never thought I'd be at this point. ...Well. I knew I would be at this point. I knew that some day, in the distant future, I'd be within a week of leaving for college. I just never thought that it would creep up on me as quickly as it has.
I'm really excited for college. I am more than ready to be independent and make all my decisions, but I'm a little scared at the same time. Mostly sad, though. I'm scared that I'll fail on my own, but I need to leave. I need to be independent and prove to myself that I am able to take care of myself if I need to. I'm definitely going to be sad that I'm leaving Fairfield. I complain about how small it is and how there's nothing to do here (which is true), but I do genuinely love it. I've grown up here. It's the only home I have ever known. It's going to be weird walking around campus and not seeing these familiar faces.
I think one of the strangest things though is that once I leave, I won't be anybody special. I have this familiar label of being ~Fred Travis's daughter~ since my dad is one of MUM's most esteemed faculty members, and I won't have that anymore. No one at Knox will know who my dad is, and that is going to be really nice, though weird at first. It's not a normal shift at work if I don't get mistaken for one of my sisters - usually Dariana, since just about everyone from MUM knows her - or if somebody asks me if I'm Fred Travis's daughter. It'll be nice that I can start fresh in a sense, I can just worry about being myself and doing the best I can; I don't have to live up to anybody's expectations because I'm the daughter of one of the faculty. I can just be me. I'm looking forward to it.
I've been spending a lot of time with Amy lately. It's the end of her first week back at school, and we've been basically inseparable since she got back. I spent Monday night at her dorm room watching Scrubs, we worked together Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn't see her Thursday, we worked together Friday and Saturday, and we hung out both before and after I worked today watching Scrubs. I'm going to miss being able to see her almost whenever I want, but I will be back in two-and-a-half months for Thanksgiving. And since I'm only two hours away I will be able to come home when I need to get away. She's definitely one of my best friends, and I really value her friendship. It (along with having Kenz as my friend) made the last two years of high school a lot more bearable. They've both helped me find who I am and done so much for me and I really appreciate it. Thanks to Amy I actually have a bit of a girly side, which to be honest I really needed. I've always kind of found clothes to be fun, but I didn't want to be that typical teenage girl who is super giggly and obsessed with clothes and boys. Thanks to Amy, I now accept that I have the side of me who is giggly and loves clothes. I'm not obsessed with boys, but I'm definitely no longer scared to appreciate their looks. Thanks to Amy and Kenz, I'm no longer scared to show my nerdy, dorky side like I was throughout my first couple of years of high school. I don't feel like I have to change to fit in - I will find friends who appreciate me for who I am. I have friends who appreciate me, and it's so nice.
This entire post shows how much I can ramble when I have the freedom to write however much I want to. This post is a hot mess, but it's what I'm thinking right now at 12:30am. Muse is nice. I missed having urges to write. More muses every week, please and thank you!
Here's to my last week in Fairfield. It will be a doozy. Allons-y
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